Wednesday, 30 September 2009

"I don't even have cancer"

My father is due to meet with the oncologist today. Last night he had another MRI. They are worried that the cancer has spread to his liver, so they just want to check that. Also, my parents are pushing for it to all be done as quickly as possible, so that there cannot be any reason that he can't start treatment as soon as possible.

In the meanwhile, he is in denial. He told my grandmother yesterday that it's all a mistake, the doctors don't know what they are on about and that they've got it wrong. This is confusing her. My mother says that it's ok to let them confuse each other. He's seems to be going through Kubler-Ross in a weird order, but that's fine. I find it all very weird.

I have been scaring myself with internet statistics today, which I am going to stop doing because it makes me want to drop everything and just spend 24/7 with him. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that I am thinking that there are now many things that I might have to do this year or not get to do at all. It's scary.

I have ordered my brother to call me at any hour tonight, as soon as they know what they are going to do for treatment.

Also, my grandmother has had a steady stream of visitors since the holiday ended, regardless of whether she wants them or not. I find this intrusive, especially when they are quite happy to say "even if you don't want company, I'm coming over". Great. So she needs to play the hostess and keep everyone else amused, when all she wants to do is watch TV and drink lots of tea. Also, it is beginning to feel very much like a wake, which this blatently isn't, and I am getting annoyed at the thought that people are coming to sit with her for their own selfish, albeit well-meaning, reasons.

Tired of waiting now. Please make something happen. 12 hours until we know something. In the meanwhile, I am going to my other grandparents to help build a sukkah. I have never been in Israel during these holidays. Maybe I will learn something.

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