Sharing the Caring

I left Israel with my parents yesterday. They had been there for 6 weeks, which is a very long time for them. And it was more emotional than anyone expected, especially when it came to my grandmother.

So I was left with a really crappy decision which did not occur to me until 12 hours before we left. It goes something like this:

I have dedicated this time to spending with my parents, supporting my mother and seeing my father. However, my grandmother has done her back in, is in pain and has been having all that other trouble. She is also very fragile and upset about my father, as she fears the worst all the time. Consequently, she causes my parents to worry, especially my mother, who feels like she wants to be looking after them both, but can't. So she feels guilty.

On the other hand, my grandmother seems to be fine getting on with her life. She has millions of friends, an enviable social life and, apart from the fact that she doesn't have a proper doctor, is sorted whether we are there or not. In fact, when I was there last time, she wasn't doing all the things that she wanted to because she felt as though she had to "entertain" me. Also, hopefully her back will be better in a couple of days.

In short, when my grandmother left our house and I drove her home, she started crying and did not stop for a long time. My mother, at the same time, also cried, for the fact that she is only one person and can't take care of everyone at once. So I suddenly started considering staying in Israel to look after my Gran, despite the fact that I much prefer being with my father and in the loop.

Eventually, I decided to go, just out of ease, because changing all the flights AGAIN would have been a pain in the arse. But maybe I should have stayed for her.

In the meanwhile, the optimism around here is overwhelming. My dad feels marvelous, even though he is prone to having energy crashes in the early evenings. My mother is absolutely convinced that he will be ready for surgery after the 1st December. I believe her, but am slightly worried about what will happen if the news is not good. We are getting ourselves so geared up to the next stage that we find it hard to imagine a world in which we are told to go back to chemo.

Otherwise, tensions are a bit high, as they always are. There is a strange thing going on where my father blames my mother for the cancer, which I have not gotten to the bottom of. I will let you know when I know anything more about that.

And, just in case you were wondering, we are waiting.