It was fun while it lasted

It's been a while since I posted. Sorry about that, kids. The main reason was that everything seemed to be hunky-dory. My dad is on his second course of chemo, and has his second treatment of four tomorrow. My parents went to a spa in Germany to chill out and had a wonderful time and I salute their creativity in coming up with the idea. He was swimming in hot springs and having massages and generally felt good. Until a couple of days ago. And now my mother is going mental.

So, two things happened. First, out of boredom, I suspect, my mother was having another look at the reports from his last set of tests and found the phrase "poorly differentiated". She rang to find out what it means, and I couldn't tell her, me not being a doctor and all that. We are still not sure (help?) but I am gathering that it means that the cancer is of the more agressive type. So what else is new? But she is upset, again, because the doctors seemed to have stopped speaking to her about it. This is the price you pay for being in different countries from your doctors. Also, maybe they believe that she is overreacting.

However, my father began feeling very unwell over the past couple of days and yesterday he began running a fever. And no one seems to be able to tell us why. He is almost two weeks past his last round of chemo, so it can't be a chemo reaction and fever usually means infection (she says with intimate knowledge of medical television programs). So my dad is feeling crappy and my mother is stressed out. And I feel guilty for not being there, again, because I thought they were all alone.

But lo and behold! Little Brother has arrived! I have prepped him, but I am not sure how good he is at dealing with the emotional stuff. I think he's more of a practical I'll-get-the-groceries-in type of bloke. And I don't think he is used to seeing his mother this distressed. It's one week before I see them, but that suddenly feels like an awfully long time.

I am going to call them, right now I think, to see what's what. It's nice that they are not in the entirely wrong time zone at the moment. The way my father is feeling now may inform my decisions about what to do next. Although, the way my mum is feeling, if she is right, my father may no longer be eligible for radiation by the time they get back to the US.

And that's why I haven't posted in a while. I was holding my breath, praying that the bubble wouldn't burst. Damn Hope and it's way of making you feel...well, hopeful.

Bum and arse. Stop the rollercoaster please. I think my dad looks queasy.

Sharing the Caring

I left Israel with my parents yesterday. They had been there for 6 weeks, which is a very long time for them. And it was more emotional than anyone expected, especially when it came to my grandmother.

So I was left with a really crappy decision which did not occur to me until 12 hours before we left. It goes something like this:

I have dedicated this time to spending with my parents, supporting my mother and seeing my father. However, my grandmother has done her back in, is in pain and has been having all that other trouble. She is also very fragile and upset about my father, as she fears the worst all the time. Consequently, she causes my parents to worry, especially my mother, who feels like she wants to be looking after them both, but can't. So she feels guilty.

On the other hand, my grandmother seems to be fine getting on with her life. She has millions of friends, an enviable social life and, apart from the fact that she doesn't have a proper doctor, is sorted whether we are there or not. In fact, when I was there last time, she wasn't doing all the things that she wanted to because she felt as though she had to "entertain" me. Also, hopefully her back will be better in a couple of days.

In short, when my grandmother left our house and I drove her home, she started crying and did not stop for a long time. My mother, at the same time, also cried, for the fact that she is only one person and can't take care of everyone at once. So I suddenly started considering staying in Israel to look after my Gran, despite the fact that I much prefer being with my father and in the loop.

Eventually, I decided to go, just out of ease, because changing all the flights AGAIN would have been a pain in the arse. But maybe I should have stayed for her.

In the meanwhile, the optimism around here is overwhelming. My dad feels marvelous, even though he is prone to having energy crashes in the early evenings. My mother is absolutely convinced that he will be ready for surgery after the 1st December. I believe her, but am slightly worried about what will happen if the news is not good. We are getting ourselves so geared up to the next stage that we find it hard to imagine a world in which we are told to go back to chemo.

Otherwise, tensions are a bit high, as they always are. There is a strange thing going on where my father blames my mother for the cancer, which I have not gotten to the bottom of. I will let you know when I know anything more about that.

And, just in case you were wondering, we are waiting.